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January 2, 2011

Change (How do we transform our lives without holding onto the past?)

With the New Year kicking off and all the resolutions packed into the gyms, nicotine patches and AA meetings, it seems as though we are all changing on some level or another. Whether it is our homes, jobs, relationships, addictions, health lifestyle etc something is in our personal life is shifting. Our problem then seems to be ourselves, more specifically our habitual nature. For some reason it is in our human nature to habitually do things, routinely and often times mechanically. We’ve programmed ourselves into these patterns that on one hand we can’t stand, but on the other foot we are desperately looking for a way out. Paradoxically we are looking to change that which we don’t want to let go of.

We hold onto the limited perception of how things can be done, then we try to initiate new ways of living and get stuck on the “how” and forget to actually make an effort to change because of past conditioning we have tricked ourselves into believing is our only option. We make an attempt to lose weight yet do not want to change the lifestyle that is contributing to our weight and self image. We cannot harbour low self esteem and expect to feel great about our bodies, that is something that will always defeat us in the end.

So how do we transform our lives without falling back onto the old and out dated past patterns?

By simply vowing not to behave that way again dose not guarantee that the change we seek will transition us on the right path. Nor procrastinating about, “oh when I feel this way, then I can change, or when he realizes how much I love him then he will treat me better”, this is why our personal resolutions do not work in the first place. The only way to completely change is to let go all together. Let me give you a personal example of what I am trying to relay.

For ten years of my life ( I am 22 now), I smoked cigarettes. It was the kind of addiction that made me feel so desperately attached to this crutch that I felt my happiness depended upon the intake of this smoke. By October 2007 I felt myself nearing the end of my smoking career, I knew that If I completely let go I would not only be free of this controlling habit, but in return would gain self power and mastery over this habitual way of being. I had to admit to myself that I was emotionally dependant upon this and I needed to let go. I procrastinated for days about this, but I realized the more I threatened to do it, the more I actually convinced myself I didn’t need it, and the last few smokes I had did not satisfy me one bit. I realized then that I mentally needed to let go, it was the psychological and emotional dependency that had me under control. My body had already let go, but my mind now needed empowering.

I decided that on Halloween I would quit, and I have not turned back since then now I am three months and a half clean. I’ve had no cravings, not even when drinking(of course I tested that theory three days in) and I can hang around people who smoke and not want a single drag. I’ve convinced myself that I can do better and that it never satisfied me to begin with, it was an illusion. I will tell you for about a month I was emotionally crazy, but hey I knew that it would pass and it did!

Everyone was giving me advice on how to quit, they said, “ take the patch, chew the gum, get laser, or hypnotism etc,” but even when I smoked I always said when I quit I will not need any of those tools, for I am powerful enough to quit without them. My problem was the ritual of smoking and I had feared initially that letting go would end something promising in my life, but the only thing that ended was a state of mind, that was all.

I cannot even begin to tell you what an empowering act it is to completely change your life and not look back. I do not judge those who smoke, rather I have a complete distaste for the habit itself, not the person smoking because I was there once and I know how hard it was to see past the nicotine route.

So my advice about change is simple, just do it man ! Don’t allow sentimentality or plain old routine prevent you from transforming your life to what you truly deserve. At best don’t look back but remember that when one door closes, a thousand more will open with pathways you never considered possible before. To me that is what the gift of change has offered to my life and I am truly thankful for that.

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3 Comment(s)

  1. sabina | Jan 21, 2008 | Reply

    I am becoming a fan of this site 🙂

  2. Scott | Jan 21, 2008 | Reply

    Smoking eh? LOL. Yeah I think going cold turkey is the way to go sometimes but it’s hard. I tried that route now on nicotine patch. Hope this helps. Thanks for your sharing.

  3. TruthWhisphers | Jan 21, 2008 | Reply

    Thanx for the input, i know it’s very hard to quit completly, and cold turkey is not for everyone, but everyone has there own personal way of dealing with addiction and overcomming them!!!


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