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January 31, 2008

An hour at Abercrombie: the most awkward shopping experience of my life

I love Abercrombie & Fitch in Los Angeles, not because I enjoy saying the name, but I really like their clothing. My only concern however is, WHAT IS UP WITH THE SHOPPING EXPIRIENCE!

Here is my story:

The following takes place on January 15, 2008.

At first you are greeted at the front entrance by really attractive, shirtless ripped guys, who just stand there and make you feel incredibly out of place as you contemplate:

– Should I look at them, should I not?
– Do they want me to look at them or not?
– Would it be rude if I looked at them?

Then you enter the store and are taken aback by the ambience of clubs atmosphere on a Friday night. The music is loud. My thoughts get distracted and I can’t hear my self-thinking about why I’ve come here in the first place.  I planned to purchase … I scour my mind and then realize I’m actually there to exchange an item. So my thought process is distorted. I find the music moving and grooving me towards some section of the store. My walk, in time with the music.

The store is dark and lit by leftover Christmas lights. The lights seem to lead me somewhere to the back of the store and I am now officially lost in the men’s section and can’t find an exit. I try and remain calm.  I look at my watch. I have 40 minutes. I try to act cool while backtracking and looking for signs of life. I find a sales girl or model and ask where the cash register is, she says it’s upstairs.

I go up the lit staircase and am greeted by a gorgeous half naked girl. Once again I am faced with “do I look, do I not?” I give an awkward smile and ask for the register. She directs me. Now I am self-conscious and feel like I need a new wardrobe. She looked really cute in that half top, thing. I start browsing the shelves of clothing and I try to steer myself towards the register. The music is still good.

I get to the register…FINALLY… and ask to make an exchange. She tells me to go to the 3rd floor. THERE’S A THIRD FLOOR? Ok, so I go to 3rd floor. This is definitely where the girls shop. The clothes are colorful and cute and small and have little buttons and lace. AHHHHH!!!! So I grab some clothes to try on. I figure I have to exchange some clothing anyway. I try on about 30 items. You are only allowed 5 Items in at a time. I look at the time, not looking so good. The pants I try on, I like. I like how I look in the mirror and then think… will I look like this in MY mirror? I look tanned and slim. I look like I SHOULD be wearing Abercrombie; and I like how I feel. I strike only 3 posses. So I found two items for exchanging purposes. I go to the register and exchange.

Exchange complete:

I finally make my way back down 2 flights of stairs. I feel obliged to say bye to the hot people standing by each floor. I don’t know them, but feel as though I should, or at least acknowledge their existence.
I say “bye” and then hear the hot guy muffle something to me. I didn’t know what he said so I stop half way down the stairs and say “what!?” and he just looks at me, and there’s a hot, half naked Abercrombie girl beside him and I get scared and feel as though I’m not cool enough to be faced with this situation. I don’t know what to do!? Do I go back up the stairs to figure out what he said, do I continue down the stairs and ignore? So I shout back over the loud groovy music “sorry I can’t hear you, what did you say…?” They both stare and me and I am frightened…I smile, or so I thought it was a smile and continue down the stairs, tripping on the bottom step because the light fixture didn’t work on the last one. I try to recover and make an exit, the security alarm goes off.

Abercrombie security:

Hot, ripped, black man opens up my bag to see what I may have stolen. I try to keep my mouth shut but can’t help it. I try to ease up the moment at hand by saying “you are one of the hottest security guards I’ve ever been faced with.” Once again NOT funny. He just looks at me and says, “They left the tag thing on.” I ask “do I have to go all the way back upstairs to get it removed?” He says he’ll do it…thank God! So I remain waiting by the door with yet another blonde Abercrombie and he just looks dumb. And I think I HATE THIS PLACE! From now on I’m purchasing online!

Written by JHE.

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11 Comment(s)

  1. ayo fo yayp | Feb 1, 2008 | Reply

    you must have been high huh?

  2. Yeah, she was high. | Feb 1, 2008 | Reply

    Yeah, she was high alright.

  3. Claptrap | Feb 1, 2008 | Reply

    I must say I found your tale of how you went shopping and bought pants absolutely fascinating, all the work you put it made it feel like I was there with you every step of the way. I cant wait to read more of your revolutionary wrriting.

    (dam sarcasm just does’nt work when typed)

  4. Wow what a great story | Feb 1, 2008 | Reply

    can i hear it again? do you have time?

  5. Julianna | Feb 1, 2008 | Reply

    High on life, most definitely. : )

  6. Mallory | Feb 1, 2008 | Reply

    NO

  7. TruthWhisphers | Feb 3, 2008 | Reply

    That was a very humourous read, almost sounds like it dramatized you, the instore experience was to hot n heavy, i would have got the security guards number, lol i’m cheeky like that!

  8. shawholmes | Feb 7, 2008 | Reply

    Thanks for sharing your shopping experience with us. Even I have such experience at
    Abercrombie store when a false security alarm trigged the guards came rushing. Now mostly I am shopping online for my favorite Abercrombie and Fitch Clothing.

  9. Everything Abercrombie | Dec 1, 2008 | Reply

    Three floors huh? That was most def a flag-ship store. Which one?
    Anyway. I love ANF for sure, but I suppose it could be really strange like that for me. Like if I wanted to return an item while tripping on mushrooms.
    Yah, that could be strange. LOL, jk.
    This post is awesome. You should write something cool and funny like this for me. I would post it for the ANF world to see.
    It would be great!

  10. BlueMushrooms | May 18, 2009 | Reply

    I always feel the exacts same way-out of place, not blending in with them.

  11. Mick | Jun 21, 2009 | Reply

    I actually work at a kids’ abercrombie. 🙂 All I can say is that after a week of working, I am officially sick of the music and I don’t want to deal with annoying parents anymore. But I actually look good in the clothes. They show off the muscles I wish I had and I get an employee discount, not to mention a paycheck! So I’ll stay until college.

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