Express Yourself

Sex rehab. Rehabilitation for people addited to sex. (Insert … “insert” jokes here, I guess.) David Duchovny, Tiger Woods, Jesse James … countless others too, I’m sure. The first time I heard the term “sex rehab” was after David Duchovny and Tea Leoni announced a temporary split, due to his inability to keep it in his pants. Last I heard, David and Tea were patching their relationship following a stay at a rehab clinic to deal with his addiction to sex and a public statement apologizing to Tea and the kids. *sigh*

Most recently, Jesse James has been in the spotlight for cheating on wife Sandra Bullock with four, possibly five, possible who knows how many other women. Gross-looking, overly-tattooed, possibly-siliconed, probably-STD-riddled women who weren’t Sandra Bullock. Nice move. Virtually everyone is on Team Sandra, so naturally Jesse has moved into a rehab clinic for sex addiction following a public statement apologizing to Sandra and his kids.

Ah, Tiger … Tiger Woods’ big moment in the spotlight, going from Boy Wonder Golfer to Sex Fiend With A Rough Side. Eww. I think the “final count” was somewhere around 14 women, but who really knows? Sponsors cancelled contracts, Elin took the kids and left, and Tiger went to sex rehab following a public statement apologizing to Elin and their kids, and the fans. He’s not a bad guy – he has a problem!

Forgive me for sounding cynical, but I for one am tired of all of this nonsense. Man is in a monogamous relationship, man has an affair (or several), man is disovered to be a lying, cheating scumbag. Man makes public apology (cue tears, praise for “strong” partner) and scurries off to rehab. Everyone sighs with relief, “Oh, see? He’s not a bad person. He has an addiction to getting lucky. Whew!”

The public apologies make me sick. The tearful press conferences, promises to focus on the marriage, praise for strong partners, pretending to care about the kids – enough already. If you cared about your partner and your children, you would have kept it in your pants. Being a celebrity does not mean you have a Get Out Of Jail Free card from your marriage vows. Going into sex rehab does not give you a fresh start. Making a dramatic public apology does not mean you’re actually sorry, nor does it automaticallyl grant you forgiveness.

What is most alarming, too, are the accounts that some of these “sex addicts” are not using condoms. That, right there, is completely unforgivable as far as I’m concerned. Bad enough that they cheated on the people they supposedly love, but they also exposed them to any number of sexually transmitted diseases. In a marriage, you should not have to worry about whether or not your partner has picked up HIV or the Herpes virus; but now, these burned women have to deal with two issues at once: the heartache caused by the men they loved, and the possibility that they may have an STD. Disgusting.

Easier said than done, I know, but these men need to be kicked to the curb, permanently; sex rehab or no sex rehab, serious bonds have been broken, apparently multiple times. All the public apologies in the world can’t erase the hurt and embarrassment they’ve caused their partners, and the potential dangers to which they’ve exposed them. Ew.

Facebook. It started as a noun, became a verb, and is now synonymous with “keep everyone, everywhere, up-to-date with every thought that enters your head, whether they want you to or not.” Sigh. Ok folks, time to review the rules for Facebooking responsibly. Get out your pens; there will be a test at the end of class.

Security Security functions are there for a reason. They are there to help keep your information safe. Think twice about publishing your phone number, where you work, or keeping your settings low enough for anyone to wander onto your page. Keeping your settings high helps you control who sees your information. Removing some information help keeps you safe. Obsensibly, your friends and family already know where you live and where you work – your address and your boss’ name don’t need to be on Facebook.

Appropriate This is particularly important if your settings are low, and/or your have your parents, grandparents, and/or boss on your Facebook. (More on that later!) Look at your Facebook profile through their eyes. Are there pictures of you binge drinking? Half-naked? Do your statuses complain about your family/coworkers/boss? Recent legal decisions have set the precedent: things you say/do on Facebook can impact your career. In addition, if you are in the midst of a divorce, child custody case, or currently on WSIB, be extra-concerned about the content; the courts are watching you.

Overshare Yes, updating your status is fun. Tell your friends to enjoy the day, that you hate the weather, or that you’re looking forward to Friday – TGIF, baby! However, if you’re updating your status multiple times a day, you’re probably doing it too often. Also, if your status is more than a couple of lines, you’re saying way too much. We don’t need to know what you ate, what you watched on tv, or what colour of underwear you’ve chosen today. Leave a little something to the imagination. This also goes for couples who over-Facebook. We’ve all seen the wall-to-wall: “Hi schmoopy-poo, you’re in the next room and I wanted to say I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooove you! <3″ “Ooooh babykins you’re the sweetest ever ever xoxoxo <3″ Barf. That’s what an inbox is for.

Please, Rob Me! DO NOT update the world with your vacation plans. “Headed out of town, see you all next weekend!” Great – in the mean time, I’ll be robbing your house. If your friend comments on your status, your status can end up being seen by their friends – people you might not even know. And considering how people tend to add people they “vaguely remember from high school,” you might want to be careful who knows your whereabouts. This also goes for when other people are going out of town. Don’t post “have a great time in Cuba, see you on the 17^th when you get back!” unless you’re secretly hoping someone swipes your friend’s TV.

Privacy of Others You might love to splash pictures of your offspring all over Facebook, but your friends and family members might not. Don’t post pics of kids who don’t belong to you without permission from the parents first. Period. The same goes for putting up pictures of adults; not everyone wants their face on the internet! If someone asks you to please take down their photo, don’t get in a snit. Maybe it’s an unflattering picture, maybe they’re anti-Facebook, or maybe they’re in the Witness Relocation Program. SYou don’t have the right to put up pictures of other people, only yourself. Respect people’s right to say “No thanks, I hate Facebook.”

Passive-Aggressive BS “Jane Smith thinks that people should say things to her face, and not behind her back, like a backstabber.” Oooooh, cue the melodramatic music. Jane Smith is mad at *someone* who is, presumably, on her Facebook. Oooooh. *eye roll* Spare me. Don’t use Facebook as a way to talk smack about other people, especially in an immature, passive-aggressive fashion. I’m so tired of people doing this. Having a problem with a friend or family member? Novel idea: take it up with them. The 500 people who will get this on their newsfeed don’t need to be dragged into it. Drama Queen.

Strangers So I met you at a party, and we chatted for ten minutes. Please don’t suddenly ask if you can Facebook me. It makes it so awkward when I say “No, sorry.” I set my privacy high for a reason: I don’t like people I don’t know peeping into my life. Asking to Facebook after chatting for ten minutes makes you look like a desperate, Facebook stalker. Ew.

Networking Facebook is a great way to network. Yay! That said, don’t abuse it by inundating people with unwanted emails, requests to “like” and “become a fan.” Set up a business profile, let everyone know (“Jane Smith has set up for a profile for her medical practice!”) and if they want to find it, they will. I don’t mind spreading information about my friends’ businesses (for example, I know an excellent RMT) but only if I can actually vouch for their services.

Mom? Dad? Granny? Boss? Be careful about who you choose to “friend.” I’ve heard a lot of stories lately about people writing things or posting photos that get seen by Mom or the boss. Those stories never end well. If you feel you can’t say no to your family or colleagues or boss, you have a couple of options. You can “friend” them with a restricted profile (so they can’t see the whole thing) or you can set up a second account that is more professional/Mom and Dad friendly. Granny probably doesn’t need to see pictures of you doing body shots off that stripper, and your boss doesn’t need to know about that tattoo on your … well, you know.

Ok. Now we all know the rules about Facebooking responsibly. Please, check your profile and edit as necessary. Resist the urge to update us all that you went to the bathroom. Don’t pick fights with people where others can see it. Don’t stalk. Don’t scare your grandparents. Don’t get yourself fired.

Penis. Vagina. Masturbation. Lubrication. Homosexuality. Erection. Wet dream. Oral sex. Anal sex. Orgasm. Deep breath. There, that wasn’t so bad, was it? Why is everyone freaking out? 

Dalton McGuinty revealed plans for the new sex ed, and then backtracked under a hail of fire from concerned parents, community groups and church groups. Apparently, there are some folks out there who feel that certain topics, such as masturbation and sexual orientation, are not appropriate for primary grade students. Can of worms, open sesame. 

This issue is not really about the minute details of the revamped sex ed plan; the issue is not really whether to teach about the birds and the bees in grade three or grade two. Down to the nitty-gritty, this issue is about how some people in our society refuse to face certain facts: children in our society are surrounded by sexual ideas, children in our society are more sexually-aware than previous generations, and discussing safe sex practices will not encourage children to have sex. Let’s take a look. 

Sexual ideas: they’re everywhere! Turn on the television, open a newspaper, open a magazine, watch a music video, watch a movie, look at any advertisement; sex is everywhere. Afraid to talk to your 8-year-old about about sex? They’re already learning a lot of (wrong) information from what they see around them. By not talking to them honestly, you are allowing the media to step in and fill their minds with unhealthy, skewed ideas of sexuality, rather than straightforward information that might actually be useful. 

Sex news is old news! It seems to be true that children and teens are more sexually aware and sexually active than previous generations. This is likely partly because of the outside influences they are encountering (see above argument) and also because they are starting puberty at earlier ages. Young girls are getting their periods at 8, 9 years old; they need to know about menstruation, ovulation, etc BEFORE their periods arrive, not afer. Young people are experimenting with sexual practices; they need to know how to protect themselves BEFORE it’s an issue, not anfer. If you think by denying them information you are preventing the behaviour, think again. The children are already exploring their bodies, if not the bodies of their peers; real, honest sexual education is vital, both to ensure healthy sexual self-esteem, but also to ensure physically healthy behaviour. Isn’t it better to arm your offspring to protect themselves, then try to wrap their sexual selves in bubble wrap and pick up the (pregnant, STD-riddled) pieces later?